Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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