he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
