Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
