Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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