At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
