areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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