I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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