Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
