glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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