seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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