what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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