I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
