I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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