Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
