i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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