i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
