Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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