i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
