My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Jerry, you need to find god
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
