Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
