No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my being single is dangerous.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Bring me that man meat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
