so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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