Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
