you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
