I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
