Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
