hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
