I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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