dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
