you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
