I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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