The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
