I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
