is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
soo... how was my night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
