and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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