how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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