drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
