dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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