Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
