Small penises have feelings too.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
