Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
