Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
