you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize