Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
