I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
