There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
