batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
