Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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