Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
