All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
