Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
