all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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