I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize