I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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