I want to walk on stilts...naked
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my liver is dry heaving
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