im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Found your dick twin last night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize