I want to walk on stilts...naked
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
