My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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