he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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