My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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