NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
