so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
