Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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