i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Mom said you looked used
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
