miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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