I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize