you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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