You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
