think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
