Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
