WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
